1 00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:04,218 Thank you for joining me for what promises to be 2 00:00:04,302 --> 00:00:07,555 the diggity-dopest tree lighting in the history of the Nine-Nine. 3 00:00:07,639 --> 00:00:09,141 I don't understand. Where's the tree? 4 00:00:09,225 --> 00:00:11,476 It was inside us all along. Brilliant, Jake. 5 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,770 No, Charles, not everything was inside of us all along. 6 00:00:13,854 --> 00:00:15,272 The tree is right here. 7 00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:17,774 Cool. Can we go now? 8 00:00:17,858 --> 00:00:18,859 Obviously, not. 9 00:00:18,943 --> 00:00:23,239 Behold, the greatest inflatable tree that 'Murica has to offer. 10 00:00:23,447 --> 00:00:25,701 And now, in the immortal words of Saint Nick, 11 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:27,869 turn on the compressor. 12 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,704 -[GRUNTS] -[WHIRRING] 13 00:00:29,788 --> 00:00:32,206 You hear that? It's the sound of Christmas! 14 00:00:32,290 --> 00:00:34,125 It's deafening! 15 00:00:34,209 --> 00:00:36,919 It's getting really big. What size tree did you get? 16 00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,504 It's a jumbo. 17 00:00:38,588 --> 00:00:40,340 It says it's ten meters tall! 18 00:00:40,424 --> 00:00:43,510 That's… Roughly 32.81 feet. 19 00:00:43,594 --> 00:00:45,596 Someone unplug it, unplug it now! 20 00:00:45,722 --> 00:00:47,556 We can't. It swallowed its own plug! 21 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,684 [SHOUTING] Everybody run! 22 00:00:49,934 --> 00:00:51,602 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 23 00:00:53,604 --> 00:00:55,439 Okay, the tree has been contained. 24 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,233 Wait, we left a man behind. 25 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,778 -[MUFFLED GROANING] Jake! -PERALTA: Well, 26 00:01:00,070 --> 00:01:01,988 Terry's trapped in the break room forever. 27 00:01:02,072 --> 00:01:03,823 Only thing we can do now is move on with our lives. 28 00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:05,075 It's what Terry would've wanted. 29 00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:06,618 Aah! [GRUNTS] 30 00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:09,830 [WHIMPERING] 31 00:01:11,832 --> 00:01:13,459 God bless us, everyone? 32 00:01:13,792 --> 00:01:16,127 -[YELLS] Yeah! -ALL: Yeah! 33 00:01:16,211 --> 00:01:18,214 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 34 00:01:36,525 --> 00:01:39,194 Ah, the Boyles are here. Good tidings. 35 00:01:39,278 --> 00:01:41,738 Genevieve, hello, you're looking.. . Sexy as a minx. 36 00:01:41,822 --> 00:01:43,573 I was going to say festive, due to the scarf. 37 00:01:43,657 --> 00:01:45,951 The bra underneath is insane. 38 00:01:46,035 --> 00:01:47,077 -It is. -PERALTA: Okay. 39 00:01:47,161 --> 00:01:48,537 Parenthood has not changed you two. 40 00:01:48,621 --> 00:01:50,205 Hey there, Nikolaj, my man. How you doing? 41 00:01:50,289 --> 00:01:53,209 Hi, Jake, we made Daddy Latvian Christmas cookies. 42 00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:54,752 Want one? You bet I do. 43 00:01:54,836 --> 00:01:56,546 The potato really brings out the vinegar. 44 00:01:56,630 --> 00:01:57,714 Neither of those are cookie things. 45 00:01:57,798 --> 00:01:58,798 I'm just going to put that back. 46 00:01:58,882 --> 00:02:00,425 So, you excited for Christmas, bud? 47 00:02:00,509 --> 00:02:01,676 Yeah, I'm so excited. 48 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,594 This is Nikolaj's first Christmas 49 00:02:03,678 --> 00:02:05,430 because the orphanage kept canceling it. 50 00:02:05,514 --> 00:02:08,392 Once it was blizzards, once it was fires, and once it was… 51 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,269 Famine. That's right, famine. 52 00:02:10,353 --> 00:02:12,855 Oh. Papa promised me the best present ever, 53 00:02:12,939 --> 00:02:15,149 a Captain Latvia action figure. 54 00:02:15,233 --> 00:02:18,777 Whoa, Captain Latvia? What's his superpower, can he talk to moose? 55 00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:20,654 No, possums. Worse. 56 00:02:20,738 --> 00:02:22,614 It's a very difficult toy to get in America, 57 00:02:22,698 --> 00:02:25,660 so I was worried when Charles told Nikolaj he would get him one. 58 00:02:25,744 --> 00:02:28,705 I said, "Keep it a surprise, so you don't build up his expectations," 59 00:02:28,789 --> 00:02:31,291 but Charles said, "No way, I want to build expectations." 60 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:33,001 Well, we all remember the conversation. 61 00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:35,587 Oh! Work time for Daddy. I'll see you guys later. 62 00:02:35,712 --> 00:02:37,756 Okay, I love you guys so much. Love you. 63 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:38,840 BOYLE: All right. Bye. 64 00:02:38,924 --> 00:02:40,633 Christmas is going to be amazing! 65 00:02:40,717 --> 00:02:42,553 Christmas is going to suck. I don't have the present. 66 00:02:42,637 --> 00:02:44,013 What? But you promised Nikolaj. 67 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:46,307 I ordered it a month ago from a Latvian toy store, 68 00:02:46,391 --> 00:02:47,808 and it still hasn't arrived yet. 69 00:02:47,892 --> 00:02:49,685 The shipping company is giving me the runaround. 70 00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,061 All right, so, just get him a different present 71 00:02:51,145 --> 00:02:52,688 like a Jet Ski or a hammer. 72 00:02:52,772 --> 00:02:53,856 I don't know what kids are into. 73 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,567 Genevieve and I worked so hard to get Nikolaj to trust us 74 00:02:56,651 --> 00:02:58,194 when we brought him home. 75 00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:01,531 [SIGHS] That's going to be destroyed, the way dry rot destroyed his orphanage. 76 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,617 Trust me, it's going to be fine. Really? 77 00:03:03,742 --> 00:03:06,620 'Cause you said that about Die Hard 5, Jake. 78 00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:08,664 Oh. 79 00:03:09,039 --> 00:03:10,666 It's not going to be fine. 80 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:13,168 HOLT: Finally, let's talk about community outreach. 81 00:03:13,252 --> 00:03:14,586 Does anyone have any ideas about… 82 00:03:14,670 --> 00:03:19,926 ALL: ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la la la la ♪ 83 00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:22,220 Who are these golden-throated dorks? 84 00:03:22,304 --> 00:03:23,805 -It's the MTA. -JEREMY: That's right. 85 00:03:23,889 --> 00:03:25,640 The Metropolitan Transit Authority. 86 00:03:25,724 --> 00:03:27,683 I assumed you've climbed out of your rat tunnels 87 00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:30,436 to taunt us about tonight's charity caroling competition. 88 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,896 No, no, of course not. 89 00:03:31,980 --> 00:03:34,480 We're here to wish you luck, since every year we… 90 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,528 -♪ Kick Your ♪ -ALL: ♪ Butts ♪ 91 00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:39,988 Enough! You may have bested us before, 92 00:03:40,072 --> 00:03:41,990 but throttle back your ambitions. 93 00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:43,408 Our voices are… 94 00:03:43,492 --> 00:03:45,244 ♪ -Better ♪ -DIAZ: ♪ Awesome ♪ 95 00:03:45,328 --> 00:03:48,664 -♪ Sing! Scully ♪ -JEREMY: That was terrible. 96 00:03:48,748 --> 00:03:49,916 I hope you're more prepared tonight, 97 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,043 or else we'll have to file a missing persons report. 98 00:03:52,127 --> 00:03:54,504 First name, "Your", last name, "Dignity." 99 00:03:54,671 --> 00:03:57,090 [SCOFFS] Come on, crew, let's hit the rails and buses. 100 00:03:57,174 --> 00:03:59,634 Both great ways to get around the city. [SNAPS FINGERS] 101 00:03:59,718 --> 00:04:02,720 I hate that we lose to those pasty-assed mole people every year. 102 00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:05,598 Oh, there's no point in mincing your words. They're knaves! 103 00:04:05,682 --> 00:04:07,768 Captain, you kiss Kevin with that mouth? 104 00:04:07,852 --> 00:04:11,438 You bet I do. And tonight, I'm going to sing with it. 105 00:04:11,522 --> 00:04:14,067 We're taking down the MTA! 106 00:04:14,651 --> 00:04:16,152 [KNOCKING] 107 00:04:19,364 --> 00:04:21,282 Charles, what are you doing? [WHIMPERS] 108 00:04:21,366 --> 00:04:22,449 What? [WHIMPERS] 109 00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:23,659 No idea what you're saying. 110 00:04:23,743 --> 00:04:26,538 Why aren't you wearing a jacket? Oh, jacket, got it. 111 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,708 Aw, it's freezing. What are you doing out here? 112 00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:32,294 I'm on the phone with Melvin's Import-Exports, 113 00:04:32,378 --> 00:04:34,421 the bastards who lost my Captain Latvia. 114 00:04:34,505 --> 00:04:36,131 Now, wrap me in your arms, I need body heat. 115 00:04:36,215 --> 00:04:38,466 All right. And you're nestling. [SIGHS] 116 00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:41,387 Ugh, first those jerks said they lost my package, then they said they found it, 117 00:04:41,471 --> 00:04:42,763 then they had me on hold for three hours. 118 00:04:42,847 --> 00:04:44,640 This is the only place I get reliable reception. 119 00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:46,809 I'm unwrapping for a sec. No, why? 120 00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:50,855 'Cause I need my fingers to save the day like a freaking hero. 121 00:04:50,939 --> 00:04:52,231 And, boom. 122 00:04:52,315 --> 00:04:55,109 Melvin's Import is in Queens. Let's just go there right now. 123 00:04:55,193 --> 00:04:57,905 Oh, so, they could just walk all over me in person instead of on the phone? 124 00:04:57,989 --> 00:05:00,032 Face it, Jake, I'm weak. What? Don't talk like that. 125 00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:01,408 You're very strong, all right? 126 00:05:01,492 --> 00:05:03,660 And you're a parent now, which makes you even stronger. 127 00:05:03,744 --> 00:05:05,537 I mean, think about all those moms who literally lift buses 128 00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,039 off their kids every day. 129 00:05:07,123 --> 00:05:10,250 Oh, so, you're saying I should tap into my mommy strength. 130 00:05:10,334 --> 00:05:12,002 Yeah, or daddy strength, but whatever. 131 00:05:12,086 --> 00:05:14,671 Right, time to put some daddy into my mommy. 132 00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:17,008 Gotta be a better way to phrase that, let's go. 133 00:05:17,092 --> 00:05:18,927 HOLT: Okay, let's review our simple harmonies. 134 00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:21,679 When I point at you, hit your note. 135 00:05:21,763 --> 00:05:22,764 [VOCALIZING] 136 00:05:23,265 --> 00:05:24,266 [VOCALIZING] 137 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,226 [BOTH VOCALIZING] 138 00:05:27,019 --> 00:05:28,020 [VOCALIZING SHRILLY] 139 00:05:29,187 --> 00:05:30,188 [ALL STOP] 140 00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:32,566 Okay. That was horrible. 141 00:05:32,650 --> 00:05:34,443 Because I didn't get a chance to rap. 142 00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:37,363 ♪ Pop, pop, droppin' bodies, it's a stickup, you punk ass ♪ 143 00:05:37,447 --> 00:05:39,156 No, Hitchcock, there's no rapping. 144 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,950 You've grossly misread the situation. 145 00:05:41,034 --> 00:05:42,826 Maybe we just need to practice more. 146 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,787 I, for one, felt like I was a teeny bit off. 147 00:05:44,871 --> 00:05:46,038 Don't fool yourself, Santiago. 148 00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:47,498 You were the most off of everyone. 149 00:05:47,582 --> 00:05:50,002 That's enough! Sure, we're untrained. 150 00:05:50,127 --> 00:05:52,921 Yes, our voices sound like garbage, 151 00:05:53,005 --> 00:05:55,548 and, yes, the MTA has a huge head-start on us, 152 00:05:55,632 --> 00:05:56,883 and it's embarrassing. 153 00:05:56,967 --> 00:06:00,471 But you know what? We're the Nine-Nine. 154 00:06:00,596 --> 00:06:03,264 And nothing can stand in our way. 155 00:06:03,348 --> 00:06:06,227 She's right. We're going to beat their butts tonight. 156 00:06:06,311 --> 00:06:08,563 Oh, tonight? "Tonight," tonight? 157 00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:10,815 Yeah, I can't. I have Hamilton tickets. 158 00:06:10,982 --> 00:06:12,817 Oh, well, good luck. Peace. 159 00:06:13,193 --> 00:06:15,820 I'm out, too. I mean, if we're just going to be humiliated, I don't… 160 00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:17,738 Wait, shut up. Did you just tell yourself to shut up? 161 00:06:17,822 --> 00:06:19,615 Yeah, now you shut up, too. Listen. 162 00:06:19,699 --> 00:06:21,158 MAN: ♪ Mother and child ♪ 163 00:06:21,242 --> 00:06:23,287 You hear that? It's an angel 164 00:06:23,788 --> 00:06:27,249 who will save us. 165 00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:28,709 It's coming from the bullpen. 166 00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:32,588 MAN: ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪ 167 00:06:33,089 --> 00:06:35,507 Who's singing? Is it one of the uniformed officers? 168 00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:36,842 No, it is not. 169 00:06:36,926 --> 00:06:42,015 -♪ Heavenly peace ♪ -Our angel's a criminal. 170 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:43,516 And our angel is drunk. 171 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,143 [VOMITING] 172 00:06:45,227 --> 00:06:46,937 [LAUGHS] The angel puked. 173 00:06:47,938 --> 00:06:49,647 Hey, you Melvin? 174 00:06:49,731 --> 00:06:50,815 I am, who are you? 175 00:06:50,899 --> 00:06:54,235 I'm Charles, from being on hold, and I want my package. 176 00:06:54,319 --> 00:06:55,862 Yeah, I already told you, that package isn't here. 177 00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:57,990 I made a sacred promise to my son, 178 00:06:58,074 --> 00:06:59,283 and you're not going to make a liar out of me, 179 00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:01,494 so why don't you take another look? 180 00:07:01,619 --> 00:07:08,619 We'll wait. 'Cause we've got all night long. 181 00:07:08,835 --> 00:07:09,961 Damn. 182 00:07:10,294 --> 00:07:12,838 Oh, I don't know if you knew this, but I'm a cop. 183 00:07:12,922 --> 00:07:15,091 So, maybe this time, don't lie to me. 184 00:07:15,175 --> 00:07:16,718 Hey, I didn't know you guys were police. 185 00:07:16,802 --> 00:07:19,429 Well, now you do, genius. 186 00:07:21,014 --> 00:07:22,557 How do you keep doing that? I don't know. 187 00:07:22,641 --> 00:07:26,061 All right, hold on. Look, there's a Latvian gang, okay, the Gals Skepu. 188 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,229 They smuggle guns in containers that come from Latvia. 189 00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:29,481 Sometimes, there's other packages 190 00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:31,025 that get lost in the process, okay? 191 00:07:31,109 --> 00:07:33,069 If you want to find yours, you gotta find them. 192 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,528 PERALTA: Gun-running gangsters, huh? 193 00:07:34,612 --> 00:07:37,031 Well, looks like we're going to take down the Latvian mob. 194 00:07:37,115 --> 00:07:38,491 Hell yeah, we are. 195 00:07:39,784 --> 00:07:41,577 [SCREAMS] 196 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:42,870 Is it bleeding? 197 00:07:42,954 --> 00:07:44,246 Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. Charles, is it bleeding? 198 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,207 I want a Band-Aid. Thanks, Melvin. 199 00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:49,711 Hey. Hey. 200 00:07:49,795 --> 00:07:51,546 I just talked to Crawford from Organized Crime. 201 00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:54,341 Apparently, the Gals Skepu are major gun-runners on the East Coast. 202 00:07:54,425 --> 00:07:57,385 Their leader's got an office in the back. Also, great chest hair. 203 00:07:57,469 --> 00:07:59,679 Ah, Genevieve calls it "the plume of Boyle." 204 00:07:59,763 --> 00:08:03,142 Aw, that's so yucky. Hey, do you think this shirt is offensive? 205 00:08:03,309 --> 00:08:05,186 I'm just not sure how it fits into my ensemble. 206 00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:08,022 Come on, focus, Jake. My boy's happiness is at stake. 207 00:08:08,106 --> 00:08:10,108 I mean, read the email Genevieve just sent me. 208 00:08:10,192 --> 00:08:11,442 Skip the part about her bra. 209 00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:13,903 Impossible, it's in all caps, bolded. Oh. 210 00:08:13,987 --> 00:08:15,321 [CLEARS THROAT] Here we go. "Nik-Nik is so excited 211 00:08:15,405 --> 00:08:16,656 "you're getting him Captain Latvia." 212 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:18,908 And then there's a photo of him karate-chopping a cat. 213 00:08:18,992 --> 00:08:21,744 Oh, yeah, that's Captain Latvia's move, the Riga Hammer. 214 00:08:21,828 --> 00:08:23,705 You hit a guy here, he goes down instantly. 215 00:08:23,789 --> 00:08:24,790 Sounds a little far-fetched. 216 00:08:24,874 --> 00:08:26,667 Okay, well, tell that to Captain Latvia's enemies. 217 00:08:26,751 --> 00:08:28,669 Oh, wait, you can't, because they're unconscious. 218 00:08:28,753 --> 00:08:30,420 Okay, the door is guarded by the mob. 219 00:08:30,504 --> 00:08:32,704 You want to figure out our plan? Already did. 220 00:08:33,132 --> 00:08:35,759 Mommy's going to talk her way in. 221 00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:36,969 [ALL LAUGHING] 222 00:08:37,053 --> 00:08:39,764 Hey there, jokers. I got a joke for you. 223 00:08:39,848 --> 00:08:43,768 What did one Estonian farmer say to the other? 224 00:08:43,852 --> 00:08:48,941 "Our crop yields are so much smaller than that of mighty Latvia." 225 00:08:54,071 --> 00:08:56,532 [ALL LAUGHING] 226 00:08:57,075 --> 00:08:59,327 Okay. Come on in. 227 00:08:59,577 --> 00:09:02,205 -[LAUGHTER CONTINUES] -Oh, laughing is fun. 228 00:09:02,497 --> 00:09:03,831 The question on the table is, 229 00:09:03,915 --> 00:09:06,917 do we add a velvet-voiced drunkard to our caroling group, 230 00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:10,922 or do we lose miserably like a bunch of miserable losers? 231 00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,633 I say we do it, and I'm the boss. 232 00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:15,427 Therefore, meeting adjourned. 233 00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:18,430 I can't believe you're even considering this, Captain. 234 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,640 The guy's a criminal. Barely. 235 00:09:20,724 --> 00:09:24,561 It was public intoxication. All he did was pee on a couple snowmen. 236 00:09:24,645 --> 00:09:25,645 And one regular man. 237 00:09:25,729 --> 00:09:27,689 Plus, it'll count toward his community service. 238 00:09:27,773 --> 00:09:31,152 In a certain way, we'll be furthering the cause of justice. 239 00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,863 Santiago, breaking the rules makes you all sweaty. 240 00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:35,347 You can't be okay with this. 241 00:09:36,199 --> 00:09:38,451 These pits are bone-dry. The drunk sings! 242 00:09:38,576 --> 00:09:40,870 The drunk sings. 243 00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:42,538 Thank you very much. 244 00:09:42,622 --> 00:09:44,999 Did you unbutton another button? Eyes up here, Jake. 245 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:46,334 So, did you learn anything, 246 00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:48,670 or were you just staring at my body the whole time? 247 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,006 Weird. But I did find out who the manager is, 248 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,090 and I'm almost positive 249 00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:53,884 she's got a key to the back office on her right now. 250 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,719 Her name is Svetlana. Thanks. 251 00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:57,012 I'll take it from here. 252 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,889 Wait, Charles, she doesn't speak any English, 253 00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:00,265 and we don't want to blow our cover. 254 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:01,350 [SIGHS] Do you speak any Latvian? 255 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,644 Well, I learned a few phrases for Nikolaj, 256 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,189 but I'm not going to use words with Svetlana. 257 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,774 Don't say you're going to use your musk. 258 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,694 I'm going to use my musk! Okay. 259 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,821 [HOLT WHISTLES] 260 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,615 It's a pretty juicy crowd out there. 261 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,242 Okay, everyone, remember your role. 262 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:19,410 Patrick, solos. Scully, mouth percussion. 263 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,872 Rosa, mouth percussion. Amy, silent mouth percussion… 264 00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:23,582 I can't even mouth-percuss? No. 265 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:24,708 Terry, mouth percussion. 266 00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,336 Hitchcock, stay backstage. You got it. 267 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:30,172 We walk out one-by-one, bum-bum-bumming, 268 00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:32,258 then Patrick sings us to victory. 269 00:10:32,342 --> 00:10:33,509 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 270 00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:35,928 put your hands together for the 99th Precinct. 271 00:10:36,012 --> 00:10:37,054 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 272 00:10:37,138 --> 00:10:39,308 [ALL VOCALIZING] 273 00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:49,859 Now, Patrick. Now. 274 00:10:49,943 --> 00:10:51,069 Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm. 275 00:10:51,153 --> 00:10:54,156 No, too many people. Too many. 276 00:10:56,201 --> 00:10:57,651 SANTIAGO: Sir, say something. 277 00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,955 I'm sorry, but there's been a police emergency. 278 00:11:01,039 --> 00:11:02,957 There's a bomb. 279 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:04,166 [ALL MURMURING] 280 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:09,547 Not here, far away, but they still need us. So, Merry Christmas. 281 00:11:09,672 --> 00:11:12,510 And, uh, don't think about the bomb. 282 00:11:12,968 --> 00:11:14,011 Bye. 283 00:11:15,346 --> 00:11:16,596 That sounded great. 284 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:17,848 JEFFORDS: Not now, Hitchcock. 285 00:11:17,932 --> 00:11:19,433 What the hell happened out there, Patrick? 286 00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:21,852 I'm really sorry. There were so many people. 287 00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:23,312 I got stage fright. I don't get it. 288 00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:25,689 You had no problem singing in front of the entire precinct. 289 00:11:25,773 --> 00:11:28,775 I was drunk. Alcohol gives me the courage to sing. 290 00:11:28,859 --> 00:11:30,570 And the courage to pee on snow people. 291 00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:32,614 Well, well, well. 292 00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,032 I made a couple calls, 293 00:11:34,116 --> 00:11:35,950 and imagine my surprise when I found out 294 00:11:36,034 --> 00:11:38,661 that the only bomb out there was you guys. 295 00:11:38,745 --> 00:11:40,913 Yeah, well, it looks like the only train in here 296 00:11:40,997 --> 00:11:43,041 is the train. Tell him, Amy. 297 00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:46,127 Train, training, training wheels… 298 00:11:46,211 --> 00:11:48,255 You're circling, find it, find it. 299 00:11:48,339 --> 00:11:51,384 Wheels! You are wheels! Nope. 300 00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,636 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 301 00:11:58,266 --> 00:12:00,225 BOYLE: Fantastic dancer. 302 00:12:00,309 --> 00:12:01,310 [KEY JINGLES] 303 00:12:02,228 --> 00:12:03,312 [SLAPS BUTT] 304 00:12:04,022 --> 00:12:06,524 Wow, Boyle, you got more moves than Bobby Fischer 305 00:12:06,608 --> 00:12:08,485 who I saw a documentary about last week. 306 00:12:08,569 --> 00:12:10,236 Flattery will get you everywhere, Jake. 307 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,615 Follow me. I figure we got 15 minutes before the pheromones wear off, 308 00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:15,116 and she realizes I took the key. 309 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,995 I was spraying them like a skunk out there. Ugh. 310 00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:19,537 I got nothing. 311 00:12:19,621 --> 00:12:21,999 No shipping records, no addresses, nothing about illegal guns, 312 00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,209 and nothing about Captain Latvia. 313 00:12:23,293 --> 00:12:24,794 Well, they're obviously not going to broadcast 314 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,337 what they did with Captain Latvia. 315 00:12:26,421 --> 00:12:27,880 They're not fools. We should go. 316 00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,673 We've been here too long. This is getting dangerous. 317 00:12:29,757 --> 00:12:31,926 Well, "Danger" is my maiden name. 318 00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,511 "Middle name." So, you better keep looking, 319 00:12:33,595 --> 00:12:35,930 because I'm not going to let my kid down, not tonight. 320 00:12:36,014 --> 00:12:37,223 -Ugh. -[DOOR HANDLE RATTLING] 321 00:12:37,307 --> 00:12:38,725 Crap, we've got company. 322 00:12:38,809 --> 00:12:39,851 I told you we had to leave. 323 00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:41,985 I found a tablet. This could be something. 324 00:12:42,605 --> 00:12:45,816 Hey, thank God you're here. Do you think this shirt is offensive? 325 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:46,900 [SPEAKING LATVIAN] 326 00:12:46,984 --> 00:12:49,528 Do the Riga Hammer! But that's not a real thing. 327 00:12:49,612 --> 00:12:50,612 Ahh! 328 00:12:50,696 --> 00:12:51,906 [GRUNTS] Jake! 329 00:12:53,282 --> 00:12:54,534 [SPEAKING LATVIAN] 330 00:12:54,618 --> 00:12:56,786 Oh, you want to do this in Latvian? Fine. 331 00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:59,331 [SPEAKING LATVIAN] 332 00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:02,584 -[SPEAKING LATVIAN] -[GRUNTING] 333 00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:05,795 [GRUNTS] Oh! 334 00:13:06,087 --> 00:13:08,632 [SPEAKING LATVIAN] 335 00:13:08,757 --> 00:13:10,216 What were you guys talking about? 336 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,000 Did he think the shirt was racist? 337 00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:16,807 So, pretty crazy how you took out that Latvian mob guy back there. 338 00:13:16,891 --> 00:13:20,185 I know, I felt like a superhero. Like the Hulk's mom. 339 00:13:20,269 --> 00:13:21,562 Why the mom? 340 00:13:21,646 --> 00:13:24,314 Is there anything on that tablet that will lead us to his toy? 341 00:13:24,398 --> 00:13:26,275 I don't know, it's locked. But don't worry, 342 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:27,860 our tech guys will get it open in no time. 343 00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:29,362 [SCOFFS] I don't have time for those dorks. 344 00:13:29,446 --> 00:13:30,864 What? But you love Ted and Craig. 345 00:13:30,948 --> 00:13:32,157 You fly kites with them every weekend. 346 00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:33,616 They're good guys. Give me the damn tablet! 347 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,400 What? No, Charles, you're driving! 348 00:13:35,911 --> 00:13:37,246 One-two-three-four? Nope. 349 00:13:37,371 --> 00:13:39,080 Five-five-five-five? Damn it. Stop. 350 00:13:39,164 --> 00:13:41,499 If you keep getting it wrong, we're going to get locked out forever. 351 00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:43,033 That's a risk I have to take. 352 00:13:43,877 --> 00:13:46,005 Boom, did it. Five-six-eight-three. 353 00:13:46,089 --> 00:13:48,716 Fifth most common pass code this year. It spells… 354 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:50,009 "Love." "Fart." Yep, love. 355 00:13:50,093 --> 00:13:51,594 Now, find me something I could use. 356 00:13:51,678 --> 00:13:53,304 Never thought I'd have to say, "A please would be nice," 357 00:13:53,388 --> 00:13:55,473 but okay. Oh, here we go. 358 00:13:55,557 --> 00:13:57,725 There are a bunch of messages about a warehouse in Crown Heights. 359 00:13:57,809 --> 00:13:59,226 Crown Heights, that's where we're going. 360 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:02,021 -[ENGINE REVVING] -Hey, Charles, that was a yellow light! 361 00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:03,983 I proceeded with caution. 362 00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:08,195 ALL: ♪ Glory to the new born king ♪ 363 00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:10,155 Those MTA jerks just texted us 364 00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:12,741 a GIF of a cartoon subway train mooning a cop. 365 00:14:12,825 --> 00:14:14,117 They sent it from the stage. 366 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,077 We cannot let this stand. 367 00:14:16,161 --> 00:14:18,163 But there's no way we can beat them. What do we do? 368 00:14:18,247 --> 00:14:19,707 My rapping's still on the table. 369 00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:21,209 It's not even in the dining room. 370 00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:22,960 We need a new singer. 371 00:14:23,044 --> 00:14:26,547 I hate to say this, but I think we should withdraw from the competition. 372 00:14:26,631 --> 00:14:28,382 Smart. Then we can sit in the audience 373 00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:30,301 and throw batteries at those MTA-holes. 374 00:14:30,385 --> 00:14:34,096 Guys, personally, I think we should go out there and just sing our best. 375 00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:35,515 Caroling isn't about competing. 376 00:14:35,599 --> 00:14:36,892 It's about having fun together. 377 00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:39,186 Well, now, that you put it that way, Scully, it makes me realize 378 00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:40,771 Rosa and Terry are right. 379 00:14:40,855 --> 00:14:44,441 I say we quit the competition and hurl projectiles at the MTA. 380 00:14:44,525 --> 00:14:47,486 What's up, y'all? Guess who just saved your asses? 381 00:14:47,612 --> 00:14:51,114 That's right. Miss Not Good Enough To Audibly Percuss. 382 00:14:51,198 --> 00:14:53,492 Who? Me! I saved the flipping day. 383 00:14:53,577 --> 00:14:55,161 Got Patrick drunk, listen. 384 00:14:55,245 --> 00:14:57,038 ♪ I can sing ♪ 385 00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:59,207 Are you serious, Santiago? 386 00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:01,251 That is ethically questionable. 387 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:02,878 -[CELL PHONE CHIMES] -Ugh. 388 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,047 It's a bus pooping on a police car. 389 00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:07,841 Let's beat those bastards. 390 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:09,801 Okay, this looks like the place. 391 00:15:09,885 --> 00:15:11,595 Now, let's get in there and take down some bad boys. 392 00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:15,140 Hell yes, let's do that in 10 minutes after backup arrives, and not until then. 393 00:15:15,224 --> 00:15:18,102 Look, I want this to be a very special day for Nikolaj. 394 00:15:18,186 --> 00:15:19,687 There's a gang of armed men in there, 395 00:15:19,771 --> 00:15:20,980 and we've done zero recon. 396 00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:22,565 I won't let you go in, I mean it. 397 00:15:22,649 --> 00:15:23,774 [SIGHS] 398 00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:26,903 All right. We'll wait for backup. 399 00:15:27,028 --> 00:15:28,238 Great, thank you. 400 00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:29,365 [ENGINE STARTS] 401 00:15:37,665 --> 00:15:41,001 Only, I'm not waiting. What? Charles, no. 402 00:15:41,085 --> 00:15:42,586 [BOTH GRUNTING] 403 00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:45,006 Charles! Stop scooching. 404 00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:47,341 I am going to scooch. You don't tell me when to scooch! 405 00:15:47,425 --> 00:15:50,177 God, I can't get by. Curse my beautiful bubble butt. 406 00:15:50,261 --> 00:15:52,388 See, all Boyle men are blessed with a flat ass, 407 00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:53,681 which is perfect for scooching. 408 00:15:53,765 --> 00:15:55,099 Why are you acting this way? 409 00:15:55,183 --> 00:15:56,475 'Cause I made a promise to my son. 410 00:15:56,559 --> 00:15:58,144 You can't understand 'cause you're not a father. 411 00:15:58,228 --> 00:16:00,354 You never will be. Hey! Yes, I will. 412 00:16:00,438 --> 00:16:01,648 When, Jake? We're all waiting. 413 00:16:01,732 --> 00:16:02,983 What are we even arguing about now? 414 00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:04,867 It's about me saving Christmas. Duh! 415 00:16:05,361 --> 00:16:07,321 Damn it, my pants are snagged. 416 00:16:07,405 --> 00:16:09,072 [LAUGHS] Now, you have to wait for backup. 417 00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:12,326 No, I don't. I'm going to shimmy them off. 418 00:16:14,036 --> 00:16:16,580 Oh, God, the eye contact is the worst part. 419 00:16:17,915 --> 00:16:19,126 [GRUNTS] 420 00:16:20,502 --> 00:16:24,172 [PANTS] I told you, Jake. I'll do anything to perk up my little man. 421 00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:27,008 You gotta know how gross that sounds in your underwear. 422 00:16:27,134 --> 00:16:29,177 Thank you for allowing us to return. 423 00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:30,470 Turns out there wasn't a bomb. 424 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:34,057 It was a clock made by an overachieving minority student. 425 00:16:34,141 --> 00:16:37,186 What a world we live in. Now, let's sing. 426 00:16:37,311 --> 00:16:38,855 [PLAYS TUNE] 427 00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:41,691 [ALL VOCALIZING] 428 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:50,992 Joy to the world The Lord is come 429 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,872 Let Earth receive her king 430 00:16:55,247 --> 00:17:00,001 Let everyone Eat my farts 431 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:01,336 -[LAUGHS] -[CROWD MURMURING] 432 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,131 Yeah, I said it. New York City sucks! 433 00:17:04,298 --> 00:17:06,216 Hoboken for life! 434 00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:07,384 -Whoo! -[CROWD BOOING] 435 00:17:07,468 --> 00:17:09,094 -[THUDS] -[ALL GASP] 436 00:17:09,219 --> 00:17:11,389 Can't talk right now, Jake. I'm a busy little bee. 437 00:17:11,473 --> 00:17:12,723 PERALTA: Wait, wait! Don't hang up. 438 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:14,016 Just tell me what's going on, 439 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,268 so I know where to send backup when it arrives. 440 00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,561 Uh, I'm north of the loading bay. 441 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,730 I have eyes on the shipment. There are only 10 guys. 442 00:17:19,814 --> 00:17:21,357 PERALTA: "Only"? That's too many guys. 443 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,566 BOYLE: They're removing guns. 444 00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:25,236 All right, they're taking the other boxes… Oh, no, they're burning them. 445 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,656 They're going to burn Captain Latvia. I have to go right now. 446 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:29,408 PERALTA: It's too risky. They have a ton of weapons. 447 00:17:29,492 --> 00:17:32,619 Doesn't matter. I'm going in there, and no one can stop me. 448 00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,538 [GRUNTS, SIGHS] 449 00:17:34,663 --> 00:17:37,666 The Riga Hammer. It works. 450 00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:42,212 Ugh, where am I? [WINCES] 451 00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:43,673 Why the hell am I wearing pants? 452 00:17:43,757 --> 00:17:46,468 Oh, I put 'em back on you after I Riga Hammered you. 453 00:17:46,802 --> 00:17:49,220 [GASPS] Yeah, it works. Insane. 454 00:17:49,304 --> 00:17:52,098 Oh… Look, I couldn't let you go in there solo. 455 00:17:52,182 --> 00:17:54,142 I'm sorry, I feel terrible for saving your life. 456 00:17:54,226 --> 00:17:55,685 Enough of your dumb apologies, Jake. 457 00:17:55,769 --> 00:17:57,729 SWAT's here, we have to move on these guys now. 458 00:17:57,813 --> 00:17:59,063 No, Charles, you know what I realized 459 00:17:59,147 --> 00:18:01,066 when I saw you standing over there in your underwear? 460 00:18:01,150 --> 00:18:02,735 That my butt is like a sexy piece of drywall? 461 00:18:02,819 --> 00:18:04,278 What? No. Ew. 462 00:18:04,362 --> 00:18:06,572 You guys going to be much longer? It's Christmas Eve. 463 00:18:06,656 --> 00:18:07,990 Just give us one sec, Marv. 464 00:18:08,074 --> 00:18:10,409 No, what I realized is, the best gift you can give Nikolaj 465 00:18:10,493 --> 00:18:12,286 is not Captain Latvia. What? 466 00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:15,206 It's you, being there with him, alive. 467 00:18:15,331 --> 00:18:16,332 But I promised him. 468 00:18:16,457 --> 00:18:18,752 Yeah, but you also promised him you were going to be his father. 469 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,170 I'm worried we're going to lose tactical. 470 00:18:20,254 --> 00:18:22,505 Back off, Marv, we get it! Come on, Marvin. 471 00:18:22,589 --> 00:18:24,674 Look, we can handle this without you. Just go home. 472 00:18:24,758 --> 00:18:27,594 Thanks, Jake. And I'm sorry I said you'll never be a dad. 473 00:18:27,678 --> 00:18:29,929 You will be, and you can make it happen tonight. 474 00:18:30,013 --> 00:18:31,890 Just go to Amy and make sure afterwards 475 00:18:31,974 --> 00:18:33,433 that she holds her knees to her chest for at least… 476 00:18:33,517 --> 00:18:34,642 All right, I think I'm good on this. 477 00:18:34,726 --> 00:18:35,854 Okay. Yeah. 478 00:18:37,021 --> 00:18:38,273 [SIGHS] 479 00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:40,316 [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] 480 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,027 All right, Marv, be honest with me. 481 00:18:43,111 --> 00:18:44,320 What do you think of this shirt? 482 00:18:44,404 --> 00:18:45,529 It's a little inappropriate. 483 00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:48,699 I knew it. All right, let's just go on three. Ready? 484 00:18:48,783 --> 00:18:51,286 One, two, go, go, go. 485 00:18:52,121 --> 00:18:54,080 Once again, the MTA has bested us. 486 00:18:54,164 --> 00:18:56,291 We should never have trusted a Hoboken drunk. 487 00:18:56,375 --> 00:19:00,712 Hamilton was amazing! 488 00:19:00,796 --> 00:19:03,799 How is no one talking about this musical? It's so good. 489 00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:08,470 Wow, you guys look more upset than Aaron Burr, sir. 490 00:19:08,554 --> 00:19:11,641 That's from the musical, Hamilton, which I just discovered, basically. 491 00:19:11,725 --> 00:19:13,184 We lost the caroling competition. 492 00:19:13,268 --> 00:19:14,477 And now, we hate singing. 493 00:19:14,561 --> 00:19:16,395 Almost as much as we hate the MTA. 494 00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:18,314 Yeah, so, we should prank-call their tip line 495 00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:19,982 with a series of well-crafted insults. 496 00:19:20,066 --> 00:19:22,276 We should toilet paper their houses. 497 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:23,486 With rocks. 498 00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:25,112 Come on, guys. 499 00:19:25,196 --> 00:19:27,783 Getting back at people isn't what Christmas is all about. 500 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,827 It's about being together, as a family. 501 00:19:29,911 --> 00:19:31,870 So, you can plot your petty revenge, 502 00:19:31,954 --> 00:19:35,041 but I, for one, am going to carol my heart out. 503 00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:37,251 I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you just said. 504 00:19:37,335 --> 00:19:39,545 That stain on your pants looks exactly like Bryan Cranston. 505 00:19:39,629 --> 00:19:41,171 That's who it is! Oh, that's right. 506 00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:43,299 Yeah, been staring at it for an hour. That's it. 507 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,384 [KNOCKING] 508 00:19:45,469 --> 00:19:47,512 Hey. Jake, what happened? 509 00:19:47,596 --> 00:19:51,099 Well, we arrested 12 guys, confiscated 35 automatic weapons, 510 00:19:51,183 --> 00:19:52,392 and I found Captain Latvia. 511 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:53,894 You did? Oh, my God! 512 00:19:54,019 --> 00:19:57,188 Uh, melted, I found him extremely melted and grotesque. 513 00:19:57,272 --> 00:19:58,982 Probably should've strung that together faster. 514 00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:00,443 Well, that's okay. 515 00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,528 You taught me that Christmas isn't about presents. 516 00:20:02,612 --> 00:20:04,822 No, forget all that crap. Presents rule. 517 00:20:04,906 --> 00:20:07,742 Here, give him this. From you. 518 00:20:07,867 --> 00:20:10,536 It's a policeman, just like you, Papa. 519 00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,371 This is the coolest present ever. 520 00:20:12,455 --> 00:20:16,000 "I'm Detective Papa, and I'm going to go to the farmers' market. 521 00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,628 "I hope they have aged Gouda." 522 00:20:17,753 --> 00:20:20,505 Oh, my God, I'm melting. 523 00:20:20,589 --> 00:20:23,341 I'm literally turning into a puddle. Genevieve, hold me. 524 00:20:23,425 --> 00:20:24,551 I got you, babe. 525 00:20:25,636 --> 00:20:29,055 Oh, honey, that flat ass is perched right on top of my ute. 526 00:20:29,139 --> 00:20:32,934 I'm going to pretend none of that was said for the sake of the child. 527 00:20:33,018 --> 00:20:36,690 -[MAN SINGING] -Wait a minute, is that Scully? 528 00:20:37,816 --> 00:20:39,108 ♪ Four calling birds ♪ 529 00:20:39,192 --> 00:20:42,320 ♪ Three French hens, two turtle doves ♪ 530 00:20:42,404 --> 00:20:46,366 ♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪ 531 00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,743 Hey, guys, thought I'd spread the Christmas cheer. 532 00:20:48,827 --> 00:20:51,246 Cool, so, you're just out here, caroling solo? 533 00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,456 Yeah, I guess you could say that. 534 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,625 No, you can't. He's not solo. 535 00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:56,752 You guys came! Damn right we did. 536 00:20:56,961 --> 00:20:59,547 A one, a two, a one, two, three… 537 00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:02,090 ALL: ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 538 00:21:02,174 --> 00:21:05,177 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪ 539 00:21:05,344 --> 00:21:07,804 They're really bad singers, Papa. 540 00:21:07,888 --> 00:21:10,434 Yes, they are. They're horrible. 541 00:21:10,851 --> 00:21:14,646 ♪ Bells on bobtail ring Making spirits ♪